To the Men in my Life

Ever since International Women's Day, I've been itching to post this message. I decided to wait a day or two, hoping not to be labeled insensitive. Here goes ....

To start with, I don't believe in taking one day out of the year to celebrate something or someone. Mother's Day, Father's Day, Valentine's Day, Anniversaries.... For me, I believe in cherishing people (and their rights) on a regular basis through the things I say and do. My opinion about taking one day out of the year and elevating a cause tends to demonstrate that we have not yet integrated these values into our daily behaviour.

There were a lot of thanks going out to all the wonderful, powerful women in our lives on Monday - I trust that the women in my life know that is how I feel about you everyday, notwithstanding the fact that I didn't express this on Monday (being my son's birthday).

I believe that the human race is better blended, so as a reminder of this, I would like to thank the men in my life who value my idiosyncrasies and acknowledge me as a person: my husband - who always accepted me as his equal partner; my son, - who always challenged me to think outside of the norms and values strong women in his life; my father - who raised me to be independent; my male business colleagues - who valued my contribution; and my male friends - who saw me as a person.

I have worked for all women organizations and for male dominated ones but the best have been the businesses with a blended leadership. I don't have the answers to creating equality in the world. I choose to be happy in the knowledge that I can control my own actions and my desire to live my life as an example of my ideals. 

Sharing An Opinion on Social Media

I am a person with opinions, enjoying friendly discussion on diverse topics. Many yesterdays ago, I habitually blurted out my thoughts without consideration of consequences. Today, I try to be more controlled about the “when and where” and take time and care in crafting my words.

Typically, I do not voice an opinion to a general audience. More times than not, I find it a waste of my energy. It is not my intention to change someone’s opinion, I only hope to encourage the sharing of perspectives. What I experience is something more akin to debate. There is nothing wrong with this, and it has its place, but I find it combative. When people come together with the sole intent of winning over the opinions of others because they are convinced of their own righteousness on a topic, I think we lose an opportunity for improvement.

Yesterday, I couldn’t help myself. The topic was the censorship of books, and it was like another post I had recently seen. I felt compelled to register my opinion on this forum, populated with Canadian writers, against the advice of my inner voice which was screaming, “Don’t do it!”. So far, I have not received any mean comments, but one lengthy response got me thinking; not about what the writer intended to clarify for me, but how narrow minded our responses are when wrapped up in our own biases. Naturally, I again felt compelled to respond with a better explanation of my original intent, knowing that this was also a mistake. I was now caught up in momentum that was gaining traction and would likely have no fruitful outcome.

What did I learn? Social media is not the place to voice my opinions. If my intention is to encourage discussion so that I may gain insight from a different perspective, this format is too limiting to communicate with sufficient substance and it is too easy for people to throw daggers from the shadows of anonymity.

Do you have any personal experiences related to the sharing of your opinions on open social forums?

Censorship

I don't believe that you can make enough rules (or laws) to ensure that others will only demonstrate behaviours that are acceptable to you. For this reason, I have difficulty with the concept of censorship, even if the content is hateful and/or misleading. There always has to be a judge of what is acceptable. Is it not better that we choose for ourselves?

A friend of mine shared the following post from Penguin Books covering 15 frequently banned and challenged books in Canada. I have read at least 7 and watched one as a movie.  How about you?

List of Books

Are there any books there that you find offensive?

Do You Like Weird?

I love weird.

If you are a friend of mine, don't be surprised if I think you are weird. It's a compliment. It means I find you interesting in a way that is different from other people.

In fact, I think when you really get to know somebody, you discover that quality of "weirdness" I am referring to. Perhaps "different" is a less offensive word to some, but I prefer "weird" because it catches your attention.

You might think that this makes me weird. I hope so. I never aspired to be average or just like everyone else. I value diversity, especially in the way we chose to express who we are.

Minimize Your Regrets

I refuse to live my days out in a manner that may culminate in a life depicted by the story, "Death of a Salesman". It's more amusing to think of myself singing harmony with Frank Sinatra. "Regrets. I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention."

That doesn't mean I want to live my life on the edge. Taking dangerous risks is not my idea of fun. I am too cautious for that. My goal is to remain open to new or different things. Being afraid of looking or acting the part of a fool is the biggest risk I am willing to take.

What's Coming Up Next and Do you Keep a Journal?

I just finished taking a ride down memory lane. I re-read all the original posts captured here - both the published ones and those still in draft format. It's hard to accept that time is so fleeting, evidenced by this blog.

I started writing here over a decade ago. As you can see, my content was sporadic. I struggled with my intent for posting personal insights and gave up many times. Today, I was glad I still had them to look back on.

I'm not sure exactly when I did this (maybe within the last 2 years), but I destroyed all my handwritten journals. Why? Because they were like open wounds. I was embarrassed by the thought of someone reading them and judging me - especially, my grown children or grandchildren.

As I am reading Matthew McConaughey's memoir, Greenlights, I regret my decision. I see their value now. They would have made a wonderful resource for some of the material I am writing today. As my past slips farther away from my present, I am finding it difficult to recapture some of the feelings and timing of certain events. I was blind. I could not appreciate their potential value as an emotional measure of my life.

I will not let this deter me from sharing a part of myself with others. And, I am unlikely to counsel anyone to discard their journals in the future.

Going forward, I intend to revise and publish some of the posts that have been waiting for my attention for so long. It will be interesting to see when they were started and whether my views have evolved.

Let's enjoy the ride together.

Fringe Science: How It Influenced My Thinking About Truth

Since I was a young child, I've always had an interest in fringe science. The skeptics out there, of course, would deny that this is any type of science at all, or may refer to some theories as pseudoscience. My come back has always been, and still is, ... we don't know what we don't know and there is lots that we don't know.

The problem for the lay person, like myself, lies in the questions, "Who to believe?" and "Fact or Fiction?".

Back in my twenties, I read an interesting book about Area 51. I may not be able to say to you with any conviction that aliens exist but I can tell you how you can use the dissemination of misinformation to discredit an idea. It's a form of propaganda. You simply mix truth with lies. The manner in which you weave your story together must be convincing so that people cannot discern fact from fiction. At least, not on the surface. The technique is used often - just look at all the conspiracy theories out there.

Determining truth is not always easy. It helps not to be gullible - meaning, don't believe something just because a lot of people are spreading it as fact. It is my policy not to accept or dismiss ideas based strictly on their popularity. I weigh out how an idea fits into my views and do my own homework should it be necessary.

Today, I don't see truth as black or white - unlike facts. That being said, even facts may vary from individual to individual based on a personal perception of them. But, I find that truth is more personal. Your acceptance of something as fact, is often coloured by your current beliefs.

Contrast Brings Me Clarity

Last night was my monthly book club meeting. An event I always look forward to whether I have enjoyed the selected book or not. It is my opportunity to socialize, express my thoughts, and listen to what others have to say. (Notice the order of priority here LOL).

I truly appreciate this specific group of ladies. They are both insightful and accepting. Qualities I cherish. Our conversations are always interesting. I especially enjoy moments when we express different points of view on the same subject matter. These are the conversations that I reflect on in days to come. Typically, they are the ones that teach me something - either about myself or the world we live in.

To me, these are moments of valued connection. The insightfulness of this group helps to bring clarity to the way I perceive the world around me.

Fitting It All In

Since I retired, I have resisted being organized and living my life according to a list. I compare my behaviour to those people who refuse to wear a watch - often resulting in them giving up being on time too. I am rethinking whether this strategy is beneficial to me.

Yes, it did initially seem to provide a more relaxing lifestyle; however, I am finding that, even during COVID, 24-hours is insufficient time to fit everything I want into my day.

At first it didn't seem important. If I didn't get something done today, I would get it done tomorrow. I am discovering that this approach to my day results in certain loved activities to fall way behind. You might have noticed that writing this blog seems to get missed way too often.

Don't mistaken this omission to mean that I am not writing. In fact, I am writing a lot. Just not here.

Once again, I am going to make an effort to add my thoughts to this record of my personal journey at least once a week. 

Let's see if list making will help. 😀